I hit a milestone today with my CFS. I've been sick for 27 months, basically couch bound for two years come October. This past week I've been walking short distances unassisted. I'm a poor judge of distance but probably 50-100ft or so. This means walking with no walker and no hanging on the arm of someone or hanging on to furniture or walls for balance.
But today, TODAY, I actually had the urge to stretch my legs. I had the urge to walk to get a little exercise. I wanted to feel the movement. I wanted to get the blood flowing and the cobwebs out. I had the urge to exercise. So I made my husband leave my wheelchair in the car, walked into the restaurant on my own, talked to the hostess myself (I'm usually below counter level in my wheelchair so they talk to hubs instead of me), walked to the table unassisted and, after dinner, walked out to the car with my fingers laced in hubs' hand instead of clinging to his arm for dear life.
I don't know if I'll crash tomorrow. We'll see. My little walking adventure last week caused a four day crash where my legs were too week to keep me standing up.
No matter. Today was a milestone for me. I haven't had that urge to exercise for over two years. That urge to move. I'm not talking about desire. I've had the desire to move, skate, swim, walk, hike, run, drive, etc. Heck, I spent a lot of time crying when watching the Olympics. I wanted to swim in the damn pool with Michael Phelps! But today was different. Today it wasn't my head wanting to move, it was my body. My body wanted me to walk around. I used to get like this when I hadn't been on the ice for several days. I would get antsy and have this drive to get the energy out of my system. Today was the first time I can remember it happening since I came down with CFS.
Maybe this is my turning point. Maybe this is the start of the real road to recovery. I have to wait until tomorrow to find out if I survived this minor miracle or if CFS is going to yet again kick me in the butt. Patience. Patience.
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