Isolation

I can NOT begin to express in words the isolation that comes with being this sick for this long.  People in the US are encouraged to hang out with others that are healthy, uplifting, upbeat, active, etc.  We are supposed to go out and DO things together.  We aren't supposed to hang out with people that are old and/or sick.  Those people are used up.  They have outlived their usefulness and couldn't possibly have anything to contribute to us as human beings.

I thought I had some to terms with this.  I thought I was okay with staying at home and being on my own.  But, I'm learning slowly, as this drags on, that I'm not.  I'm not okay with spending months in the house only seeing my son, my husband, my son's girlfriend, my doctors and the vendors at the farmer's market.  I'm not okay with my chiropractor knowing me better than my own brother.  I'm not okay with knowing more about the trip the IV nurse just went on than the trip my sister took.  I'm not okay with seeing my doctor more often than my friends.

The last time family was here was three months ago.  The last time a friend was here was last summer.  The last time I watched a movie with a friend in my OWN house was several years ago.  I haven't seen one with a friend outside the house since before being sick.  The only time I saw friends on a regular basis last year was when I commandeered them to drive me to doctor appointments.  This was the only time I had contact with them.  Within three years I have had exactly six visits from friends that were purely for social reasons.  The count might double if you include people stopping by to pick something up and staying for a chat.  Normally I'm okay with it.  Being extremely introverted helps.  Being extremely sick helps.

But today.  Today.  I'm in tears.  I was recently reminded that my skating buddies have moved on without me.  I just read an article about the abandonment of the old in retirement communities.  I just wrote a Facebook post about dealing with the changes in my life since getting sick.  And then I saw this video:

And I'm in tears.  To think that people would do this for us.  To think that people that don't know us, that were never our friends would do this for us.  I am astonished.  And in tears.  It doesn't take much to help those of us that are housebound.  Just call once in a while.  Stop in once in a while.  Bring over a coffee or tea.   Or take us for a virtual walk.  I would LOVE that!  I miss being outside so much.  I miss being active.  I miss being with people.  The internet helps but it isn't the same as real human contact.  As human beings, we need it to thrive.  The biggest loss for me being sick is the loss of human contact.