Purpose

I've been out of sorts this week.  I know I'm doing better physically since I am amazingly bored.  I'm at that in between stage where I'm too sick to do anything but well enough to want to do stuff.  I really thought that this was just boredom but this evening I suspect it is something else....

A feeling of profound purposelessness came over me.  I used to set goals for myself: taking new classes, learning new subjects, getting pins at Toastmasters, passing tests in skating, putting in plants to improve the garden.  I can't do any of this now.  Not just physically but mentally.  I've been trying to learn about the methylation cycle and it is just too much for my brain.  I'm really trying.  I used to be really really smart so this is just killing me.

The last couple of days I've just given up.  All I've been doing is getting up, plopping onto the couch and hanging out on the internet all day.  The only time I get up is to prep food.  I have no motivation and really am just sinking in to despair.  I don't like this.  I'm not sure if it is just a chemical imbalance or a real crisis.  Maybe a bit of both.  More than likely I'll slouch around until my energy levels come up and then I'll be able to do stuff again and this will pass.  But in the meantime I'm going to mope a lot.