Wednesday, September 19, 2012

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I'm still messed up so bear with me....

Went for a drive to York ME on Sunday.  Hubs wanted to go in his 57 Chevy, a car he just finished restoring.  It is a gorgeous car.  He did a fantastic job on it.  He built it for us to go driving in.  He loves driving it.  No that doesn't do it justice...  He LOVES driving it!!!!!

Now you have me with pretty bad neuro symptoms for CFS.  I have daily problems with concentration, memory, attention span... oohh shiny!   You get the idea.  On bad days I can't walk or talk it gets that bad.  Riding in cars makes me worse.  Riding in noisy bumpy cars makes me exponentially worse.  

Hubs wanted to spend the day with me driving in his fancy restored car so off we went on an 160mile round trip drive in a loud bumpy car.  It was a perfect fall day in New England.  Sunny.  Dry.  In the seventies.  By the time we got to York I was a little messed up but we had my wheelchair so he pushed me around.  We had lunch.  We ate ice cream.  We watched the surfers. We watched a beach wedding.  As soon as we got back on the highway for the trip home I was out.  With CFS I'm never quite sure if I'm actually sleeping or gone comatose.  I would love to have someone do a brain-scan when I shut down like that.  Anyway, I slept/passed out for most of the trip home.  I woke up suddenly.  We were near our house but still on the highway.  I had a panic attack.  I never have panic attacks.  I wanted to jump out of the car.  Right then.  Home couldn't come fast enough.  I talked myself down from it since I knew I wasn't in any real danger.  I was just freaked out.  By what I have NO idea.

We pulled in the driveway and I could barely walk.  I couldn't talk at all.  Hubs got me upright and into the house.  He disappeared so using furniture and walls I made my way into the bedroom where I literally collapsed in bed.  He covered me in a blanket and I woke up 2 hours later in the same position.  I spent the rest of the evening using my walker to get around the house, using slurred speech and truncated sentences to communicate.

Yesterday I spent on the couch.  My kid had to cook for me.  I had no strength in my limbs.  All I could do was watch TV shows.  It was all I could manage.

Today I had a doctor's appointment.  I put my papers together as soon as I got up.  I always take a list of meds, a list of supplements and a list of symptoms and activities with me to give to him.  This time I also took info regarding tricyclic antidepressants so that I can start anti anxiety meds and the oxygen therapy info from Dr Cheney.  I made myself eggs for breakfast and took a shower.  I knew I was in trouble even before I walked out the house.  My brain was slowing down.  My pace was slowing.  My brain processing speed was slowing.  By the time I got to the docs I was back in nonverbal mode.  Luckily hubs was there to answer questions for me until I recovered enough to hold a somewhat decent conversation.  I still sounded like I was drunk/high or really stupid.

Strangely enough the appointment went really well.  Hubs was a great help.  And it was really good that my primary saw me that screwed up.   I have disability forms to fill out again soon so having him visually confirm that I'm that messed up that I can't possibly work is a good thing.  I also found out that he had no idea that I used the walker in my house to get around on my bad days.  Hubs injected that car rides to the market often caused me to have to use the walker when I get in later.  Doc was surprised that I went to the market and I had to explain that someone drives me and then pushes me around in the wheelchair.

Anyway, I'm seeing my shrink tomorrow to talk about the tricyclics.  I'll probably start something.  My skin rash has spread all over the place.  A different form of it is now on my open skin on the top of my leg so it is no longer confined to the cracks and folds of my body.  Ugh.  I hate this.  He doesn't want to put me on the pills yet either since they do nasty things to the liver.  So lots of cream must me applied.

I have to stop writing now.  My brain is shutting down again.  See ya later!

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