Torchwood

This is probably going to be the oddest TV show review that you are ever going to read and yes it is going to be somewhat uncomfortable.

I LOVE science fiction.  I've read it since I scared myself silly back when I snuck about reading one of my dad's books when I was 12 or 13.  It was, to me at the time, a very scary story about an invisible monster alien.  Ever since then scifi has been my favorite genre.  Needless to say the bulk of my TV and movie watching are science fiction shows.  I loved the first three seasons of Torchwood which is an adult version of Dr. Who, a show I've watched since I was a kid when Tom Baker was Dr #4.  The third season didn't go so well and almost got the show canceled until Starz picked it up for a joint season with the BBC.

I was very angry that Starz locked the fourth season out.  Only Starz subscribers could see it.  I was very angry at this turn of events.  I wanted to see the last season.

This past month I decided to subscribe to Amazon Prime so that I could get access to Falling Skies and Orphan Black both scifi shows that I've heard a lot of good things about and low and behold I found the last season of Torchwood also available.  So with much excitement I've spent the last three days binge watching it.

Warning spoilers ahead.  If you don't want me to ruin the ending for you stop reading right now.



The show somewhere along the line lost its way.  This last season strayed very very far from its original format and the quirky bits that originally drew me into it.  Two things really stood out for me and got me wondering just who the heck wrote this thing:  lots of gay sex, and an artifact that looks like a giant three story high vagina that needs the main characters' male blood sent into it to return the world to rights.  There is a subplot about a pedophile that become famous, some fat shaming and grossly misogynistic bits thrown in for good measure.  All leaving me to wonder what the hell were they thinking!?!  Did some woman hating gay guys write this?

I am a prude and don't really like butt naked hetero sex scenes never mind same sex scenes.   While I am glad that this is finally getting air time and it is becoming normal for gay characters to hold leading roles in shows while being in romantic relationships, I seriously don't need to see their very naked butts.  Please note that I say the exact same thing for straight sex scenes.  Lets leave something for the imagination please.  This is supposed to be a regular TV show and not some mild porn.  Okay, I'm almost off my soapbox.

If it were just the above, I would let things rest and just chalk it up to the writers getting some much needed air time and equal opportunity for the gay community, which I'm 100% behind as long as I don't see any behinds.  However,  and this is a big one, what the hell is up with that three plus story high vagina that is screwing up the entire world?  And why do the two main male characters of the season have to bleed profusely into it to set things right again???  I forgot to mention that rocks are constantly being pulled into it.  People with impure soles die when they are in its presence.  It is a huge life sucking vagina.  Something I read in the very distant past, mentioned that this was a man's worst nightmare, a vagina that sucks them in and mutilates or kills them.  This is the first EVER science fiction show, movie or book that I've read or seen that has had this imagery in it.  I mean they could have made it look much less vagina like, say making it round instead of a huge slit or gray instead of various shades of pink.  They could have had the main characters jump into it rather than have them bleed into it.  Rocks and debris didn't have to be constantly sucked into it.  I mean come on!!  This is just horrible!!  What on god's green earth were they thinking???  At least the pedophile killed himself in the end and was generally a despicable character through out the season.  Bill Pullman did a good job of playing him as a not quite right in the head character.  However, I want to see aliens and spaceships and weird technogadgets not pedophiles, gay sex and huge life sucking vaginas.

After watching the disaster of the last episode I can now say that I'm happy that it got canceled.  I might at some point in the distant future watch the first two seasons again since those were good.  But I'm not watching the last two ever again.  Not worth the time, even my copious amounts of time.