Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Life's Little Irritations

Yes, I still hate my neighbor's dog.  In fact it woke me up several times today and then woke my husband up at 11:30pm.  They just don't get it but the dog isn't why I'm writing today.

This post is about an irritation that I didn't see coming.  And it irritated me way out of proportion to the actual act.  I'm mean I've been ruminating about it ALL day and has prompted me to write this post.

I got a call from a nurse working for my health insurance company.  Since I just got picked up again after winning my LTD case, I'm suddenly back on their radar again.  I think of her as my health care case manager.  She has called to help me manage my doctors, specialists, meds, self help, etc.  She started out by asking me what my diagnosis are.  My glib reply went something like "I have CFS and Fibromyalgia so unless someone comes up with a cure I'm kind of screwed."  Of course she had some polite mollifying answer, which would have made me feel like a heel if I said anything mean.  She then asked me about my docs.  Who I was seeing.  If I was happy with them.  Then on to meds and supplements.  She didn't understand what I was taking and why I was taking it.  Yes, CFS is a weird illness and I take meds for off label uses in strange doses.  Of course she asked if I could take Cymbalta for the fibro, which is a huge no.  Which got us onto my list of med allergies.  She then moved on to compliance.  Was I taking my meds?  Did I miss doses?  What can we do to help me take them more regularly?  At this point I was getting tired and a little pissed off.  

I mean look, I've been dealing with this on my own for going on 16 months now.  I've had to spend over $15,000 to prove to the insurance companies that I'm sick.  I've also had to apply to SSD on my own.  My husband wants nothing to do with the management of my illness so I have to deal with all appointments and meds on my own.  And now I even have to figure out how to get there by myself.  So forgive me lady if I'm a little miffed when you get all up in my business regarding my dosing schedule for the myriad of pills I have to take every day.  No I don't carry a cell phone  so I can use an app to remind me.  No I don't wear a watch with an alarm.  No I'm not putting post-it notes on my bathroom mirror.  No my pill reminder isn't big enough to hold all the meds I have to take every day.  What I have done is line the bottles up in three rows, morning, afternoon and evening.  I've written the dose on the cap so I don't have to read the directions every time.  This pretty much works for me except on bad neuro days where I'm lucky enough to get upright so I can go pee never mind remember when I took my last dose of hydrocortisone.  So forgive me if I'm a little snitty when you call me up out of the blue with your "helpful" suggestions.

This whole thing has really irked me.  I'm having to educate her about my illness and meds over the phone and she is trying to get me to manage my illness better.  What I really want to do is tell her off and hang up.  However, she is very nice and trying to be helpful.  I'm being snotty and really resentful of her trying to help.  I should be grateful but it is still bugging the crap out of me.  Where the hell was she last year when we were trying to figure this out and I had a crappy virologist?  Where was she this past spring when I finally got my diagnoses?  Now she is going to call me next week to go over something else on her corporate check list.  Just wait until we get to the exercise portion.  What are the odds I loose it and hang up on her?  I bet I go down in her notes as uncooperative, unruly and not open to suggestions.  Lady come to my house for a week or at least read up on CFS before telling me how I can improve the management of my illness.  Unless you are going to send an aide over here to actually help out, you can piss off.

Hopefully I'll calm down a bit before next week's call on pacing.  Haha.

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