I over did it Saturday. A trip to the farmer's market (I got my first raw milk swiss cheese lump and OMG it is wonderful!!!). Lunch at the diner with hubby. Took a shower. Made dinner. A road trip to an ice cream stand 45 minutes away in hubby's truck.
I was useless Sunday. Hubby had a fit and was all grumpy and angry. Kid had to make dinner.
Monday I was doing a bit better but an hour trip to the CFS doctor, two appointments and a blood draw later and I was toast again.
Slept ten hours last night. Did almost nothing today just caught up on a bit of correspondence. Nothing taxing. Hubby drove me out to dinner and I used the chair so no walking. Lots of Netflix. I'm almost feeling normal again.
Why do I do this? I'm trying to please my husband. I know I'm going to crash but I push myself anyway. For some reason I seem to be delusional and try to push my way through my good days. I know this costs me. I know I'l pay for it. But I try to make him happy. I over exert myself to keep peace in the household. It doesn't work because I literally can't get up or walk the following day and then he gets really pissed. But this isn't working for me. I'm also scared I'm making myself sicker in the process. I'm already feeling like I want a month off. No appointments. No trips. No housework. Nothing to do but sit in the sun and pet the cats. Despite my total aversion to conflict I'm going to have to have a sit down with hubby and discuss this little problem. I can't keep doing this. He can't keep getting angry. I do stuff I shouldn't to try and keep him calm. This isn't working. It has to stop. This is going to be a good topic for discussion with my shrink tomorrow.
Crashing over and over and over I don't believe is good for us (with M.E.) in the long run. I hope you have a good chat and can find ways to do little outings together without huge cost. Maybe there's a way to strike more of a balance which would be better for your long term health.
ReplyDeleteI just have to find the right time to do this.
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