Colonoscopy With Mr. ME

This is the second colonoscopy I've had in my life.  The first one was two years ago before I got "sick".   While I loved seeing my insides during my first test (yes, I'm a science geek), the prep was horrible and I was tired afterwards.  For those of you that don't know the prep consists of several steps: go on a low fiber diet for a week, stop any meds or supplements that would interfere with the test, no food the day before the test and drinking a horribly salty solution that makes you eliminate everything out of your colon.  And I do mean everything.  The result is you are tired and sitting on the John for 12 hours prior to the test.  If they find something and have to do minor surgery to remove it you have to stay on the low fiber diet for another week, not lift anything over 5 pounds and no aspirin or pain meds that thin the blood for ten days.

The first test I had two years ago was hard on my body.  I was tired and hungry.  They found a polyp which was removed and the cells were found to be abnormal triggering the second colonoscopy that I had last week.  However, I was relatively well back then and it only took me a couple of days to get back to normal.  I felt even better a week later when I could return to my normal high fiber diet that included raw fruit, salads and whole grains.

This time was different.  I had Mr. ME with me and he is a vengeful sort.  I had to stop my pain meds along with my supplements and eat a low fiber diet for a week prior to the test.  He didn't like that very much and decided to take revenge.  He stopped up my plumbing and sent my pain levels through the roof.  I could no longer sleep for more than a few hours at a time before my shoulders, arms and hands would wake me up.  He had lit them on fire while I was sleeping.  I think he was angry.  I could no longer get into a position that was comfortable.  It didn't matter if I was laying down, sitting or standing.  He tortured my joints every chance he got.  Then he started on my muscles.  He made them cramp.  He made them twitch.  He made them spasm.   I caved and took an illegal dose of aspirin so that I could sleep for a few hours. 

Finally prep day came.  I was already tired from the pain keeping me awake.  Now I was hungry as well.  I was allowed a liquid diet that included juice pops, chicken broth, jello and Gatorade.  Mr.  ME made sure I got a first class ticket on the sugar express.  How the heck I could be tired and wired at the same time is still a mystery to me.  Needless to say between the sugar and the trips to the John I was up all night prior to the colonoscopy.  I finally passed out and got three hours of sleep before the procedure in the afternoon. 

Mr. ME came with me to the doc's office.  My speech was messed up by the time I was wheeled into the room for my procedure.  He asked me something and I told him I couldn't since the blood pressure cuff was on my ankle (it wasn't: it was on my arm).  Doc looked at me funny and then had the nurse drugged me into oblivion.  I do remember seeing chunks of lemon jello stuck to the walls of my colon so I must have woken up at some point during the procedure but I slept for most of it.

When I woke up in recovery I had an oxygen tube up my nose.   I don't remember that from last time.  My blood pressure was also really low.  First time I had ever seen it under a hundred.  Of course this is the time when you get to lie in a curtained area and fart a lot.  They pump your intestines full of air to fit the camera up there so you end up tooting afterwards.

Mr. ME was totally incensed by this entire procedure and forced me into a wheelchair for the ride out to the car.  Every day since then I have been extra tired and weak.  Stupid me I woke up last Saturday and felt okay so I thought I was all set.  I loaded the dishwasher and Mr ME showed up, clocked me upside the head and sent me to bed to sleep for the rest of the day.  Since that day I've stopped doing anything.  I've rested.  I've laid down a lot.  Sat in the quiet a lot.  Stared out the window a lot.  Tried to sit in the sunshine and get fresh air as much as possible.  Last night I fished through my old meds and found some left over Tylenol #3 that was left over from the last time I had surgery (yes, they found another polyp so I am still not allowed to take my meds and supplements) and took a half pill before I went to bed.  Mr ME stayed away for six full hours.  I got to sleep with minimal pain for six whole hours!!  I woke up and took the other half pill.  I slept six more hours.  Woohoo!!

Mr. ME is still pissed off.  My joints are killing me and my muscles in my arms are still cramping up but I got to sleep really well for 12 hours.  I feel more normal.  I took it easy today and some friends came to visit and gave me a Reiki treatment.  This is energy work.  It left me feeling lighter and less twisted.  I actually could feel my spine straightening up during the treatment.  I felt better afterwards.  I ate really well today.   I've been craving protein so I've been eating more meat than I normally do.  I did start some of my supplements that help with muscle cramping so I'm on potasium, calcium and magnesium and back on my large doses of vitamin D.  This is also helping.  So Mr. ME is becoming pacified again.  He is backing off a bit.  I hurt a little less and feel more like a human being again.  I plan on taking another half pill of pain med again before I sleep tonight.  I have a massage planned for Thursday and I get to take my regular pain meds in a couple more days so I'm almost done.  Now I just have to get some energy back.  At least so I can shower and make an occassional dinner without Mr ME knocking me out cold for the rest of the day.  I wonder how long he is going to stay pissed off??

Just in case you were wondering: they found the original polyp had regrown.  I don't have the biopsy results yet but the doc said I don't have to do this again for four more years.  Yay!  I also have hemroids and diverticulitis which are supposed to be caused by a low fiber diet.  They sent me home with papers on eating whole grain, raw fruit and salads.  Since I already do that I put the blame squarely on Mr ME since the other cause is Miss IBS which Mr. ME brought with him to the party.  It is all his fault!   When can I beat him up?