Wednesday, June 1, 2011

In Sickness and In Health

Yeah.  Right.  Big fat lie.  Twenty years ago my husband and I made a solemn vow before God and the Catholic Church that we would stay married until death, through the good and the bad.  Well it looks like that only applied to me.  When he went through bad times I stayed by him.  When he lost his Mum I was there.  I was there for the 20 year long roller coaster of a ride called his career.  I kept the family afloat and provided health insurance and steady income for us even though  I gave up my career so that he could pursue his.  Now he is threatening to leave if I don't get better soon.  He has decided that "I have only one more year left in me" and that "I can only take so much" and "I want to travel, bungee jump and do stuff."  Of course his now famous lines are "This is no fun for me" and "This is punishing the whole family."

So the question I keep asking myself is do I wait out the year and see what happens or just turf him out now?  The big reason I don't want to turf him out besides chucking a 20 year marriage in the trash is that I'm seriously scared that a divorce and move will make me sicker.  I don't want CFS to take up permanent residence in my body.  I have a good chance of beating this if I spend the year blissfully ignorant of the impending doom.

We vowed when we got married that we would go to counseling and try to work things out prior to ditching everything.  What happened to those promises?  What happened to "in sickness and in health"?  How this all go so wrong so fast?

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