After being married for over twenty years I couldn't in good conscious title this Husband 2.0. He isn't the same person I married twenty years ago but that is a good thing. He shouldn't be. He has matured and in many ways much smarter than he was twenty years ago. He must be coming into his wisdom as he ages gracefully.
Anyway, you know that I have posted many times about the strife this illness has caused in our marriage. Well, a miracle occurred. One morning about a month ago hubby woke up and accepted the situation as it is. He is no longer angry. I mentioned to him the other day that he had been much more pleasant to live with of late (no more hissy fits) and he told me about this strange day he had. He couldn't explain it. He said he wanted to change before that but couldn't. He didn't like the way he was behaving or how he was feeling. He was too angry I suppose and maybe it just needed time to get out of his system. Whatever happened, grace of God maybe, he is now wonderful to live with. Not perfect but wonderful. He has been helping me with everything. He always asks how I am doing during our first conversation of the day and he is genuinely concerned. Most times I am okay but some days I burst into tears and he comes over and holds me. He takes me for rides in the car to get me out of the house for a little while. We've seen the neighborhood Christmas lights twice. He has taken me shopping several times in my wheelchair even though he doesn't like me giving him directions (we haven't quite worked out the logistics of the wheelchair thing yet: I'm not used to being totally dependent upon someone else and not being able to wander off on my own and he hates being told where to go). He has been helping me with food prep and cooking. He makes sure I'm getting enough rest often telling me to go sit or lie down or nap. He makes me tea or snacks when I ask. He helps me out of the shower on bad days. He has been taking me to my doctor appointments.
I am amazed at the transformation. It is wonderful. I am way less stressed and no longer feel guilty for being sick and a burden. This crap happens. It happens for no logical reason and it is no one's fault. I decided a long time ago, long before I was married, that things like this are meant as life lessons. We are given hardships to help us learn to be better people. I wish some of the lessons weren't so harsh and so difficult but I wouldn't be the person I am if it weren't for my trials. I am just so relieved that my husband is no longer in so much pain. It was hard to see him suffer so much.