Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Poopy Mood
This is my first Christmas with Mr CFS. I'm very very angry at him and we aren't currently on speaking terms. In fact I'm doing the wifely thing and not talking to him at all. He's being such a shit anyway. He has made me miss every single Christmas event that we've been invited to. When I did manage to go out to the Christmas ice show he crashed me hard for two days. He has stopped me from shopping which is one of my favorite Christmas activities. He has stopped me from cooking. He has stopped me from planning anything. He has stopped me from decorating the house. I also miss my extended family, all of whom are off doing other stuff so I won't see them over the holidays. Mr CFS basically has me under house arrest and is only letting me out for doctor appointments. If I dare go off and attempt anything else he beaches me in bed or on the couch. This sucks! I'm angry. I'm upset. I keep crying. And I am so not talking to that ass.
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When I saw your comment on my holiday post yesterday, I had to come by to see how you're doing. I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful this holiday season.
ReplyDeleteIt's been over 8 years for me, but I still remember vividly those early feelings of anger and frustration and isolation. I still feel that way sometimes! All I can tell you is that it does get better over time, emotionally, I mean. And, of course, you already know that the more uset you get, the worse your CFS gets - such a frustrating paradox! Have you read Toni Bernhard's book, How To Be Sick yet? She has some excellent advice in it for dealing with the emotional side of chronic illness.
I have also given up on holiday cooking, though we'll bake some cut-out cookies today with the kids using store-bought dough. And I'm way behind on decorating too. We did get the tree up earlier this month, but the wreath we bought on Dec 5 is still in the garage and not on the door!! And I usually hang the Christmas cards we receive in a nice display, but this year, they're just stuffed in a basket on the cluttered kitchen counter.
I'm so sorry you are going through this now. Just know that you are not alone. I understand what you are going through, and I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to.
Sue
I know how you feel xx What I found was not to accept Mr ME but to at least adjust to his limitations for now, made things a little more bearable. Just take each day as it comes and think maybe next Christmas will be much better than this one. x
ReplyDeleteI knew it was going to be difficult. I'm surprised that it didn't hit me earlier but I guess I thought that I would make it to at least one party. What didn't help at all was the three week crash from the cold I caught just after Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that I managed to find this internet circle of friends. It makes everything easier knowing that you are out there. Thanks!
BTW, I do have Toni's book but I've only read parts of it. I'll have to have another sit down with it now that I can read again.