Train Wreck

I haven't been posting much but that is because I've gotten derailed.  I'm an emotional wreck.  I hated the letter from the insurance company.  They don't believe I am sick which makes me feels horrible.  I got my termination letter from work which makes me feel adrift.  HR called me today asking me if I would return the keys to my toolbox.  I'm loosing my tools.  The things I plie my trade with will be gone.  I feel lost at sea with no sight of shore.  Then all the other crap got piled on top.  The only thing I seem to be able to cry about is the loss of Dominique's dog, Dekker.  I'm bummed.  I'm blue.  I'm crashed.  I'm still wearing my pjs and I've been up for 12 hours now.  I can't get off the couch.  Now my son wants me to meet with a military recruiter.  I just don't have it in me right now to do that.  I don't want to let my son go into that.  I'm going to have a hard enough time letting him go off to college never mind letting him go into the military where he might get injured or worse.  He has been my company while I've been sick.  He has been the one driving me to doctor appointments.  We've made friends over the summer.  I don't want him to go away.  I've already lost so much.