It's Junk Food Week

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm supposed to eat healthy. If I eat properly I'll help my body heal. Yadda, yadda, yadda. What do you think I was doing when I got sick?? I was in the middle of my first figure skating competitive season. I was in the best shape of the last ten years. I was either in the gym or on the ice six days a week. I eat organic whole foods. I don't eat wheat (allergy) or cows (by choice). I eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Yes, I was actually tracking this in my training log, five servings a day. My doc did an extensive survey of my dietary habits as part of his new CEO style annual physical. The only two comments he had was that I already ate very well and to try to cut down on the number of times I ate out a week (hazards of a busy training schedule). The first month I was ill I ate a super healthy diet, mostly because I was having trouble tolerating food at all. So, lots of organic fresh fruit, vegetables, brown rice, chicken, salmon and tofu.

Guess what? While I did improve a little I didn't get better. What did happen? Things changed. I have a slightly different symptom set now but the fatigue is still here and I am now four months into this. I have now lost almost all of the muscle mass that took so long to build up and then some extra is missing to boot. I am now deconditioned to the point where my muscles can no longer keep my vertebrae in place so my back now aches constantly. I can throw my back out with the simple act of sneezing. I am gaining fat even though I am down to two small meals a day with fruit and nuts substituting for my third meal. I'm eating way less than I used to and I've been pretty good about staying away from any type of junk food. Well, since my body just gains fat if I'm not exercising (this is the way my body works: diet alone has NEVER worked for me, I HAVE to exercise to loose or maintain weight) although I am now at a lower scale weight I have gone up a pant size or two. I am going to have to buy chubby pants for this winter since my old jeans no longer fit.

So F it, I'm eating junk food this week. I have already enjoyed several rounds of chocolate ice cream. I am in the middle of a bag of Dove chocolate and a bag of wonderful GF almond cookies (more on those in a later blog). I just bought some Udi's GF lemon muffins. And, I had a Whole Foods chocolate cupcake yesterday and am going to have another one today (not GF but they don't seem to bother me-lots of air in the batter??).

Am I stuffing my feelings? Do I want to be sick? Do I want to be gaining fat and loosing muscle? Do I want to be stuck in the house day after day? What do you think? (that's rhetorical-don't feel obligated to answer in the comments section-I'm in the middle of a rant here) I can't skate. I can't swim. I can't garden. I can't cook. I can't travel. I can't have dinner with friends. But I can eat so SCREW it. I'm enjoying eating my forbidden foods. I don't care what is going on in my head. I love the taste of chocolate. I love the feel of ice cream in my mouth. I'm enjoying almond cookies, lemon muffins and chocolate cupcakes. Health food be damned.