Saturday, August 21, 2010

Sad Saturday

After doing my excellent imitation of a sofa sloth, I am finally up and about. I ate breakfast at 2pm since I'm doing my free range sleeping thing again. I spent the night on the couch instead of going to bed. Hubby was snoring and I was restless and tired so out to the living room I went to watch Craig Fergeson. I like ending my day with a good laugh and he always makes me laugh.

Sleeping on the couch also meant no CPAP machine. Yeah! (I HATE that thing) I put in my dental appliance, took a half a percoset to calm all the aches and pains down and when Craig was done put on my Tibetan Healing Bells CD (in the half dark I accidentally put it on repeat which turned out to be a good thing). I was asleep in five minutes which is quite unusual for me. I slept well. Every time I woke in the night I was lulled back to sleep by the bells.

Although I had the best night's sleep in days and wasn't woken up by the neighbor's dog barking, I was down. Despair is starting to set in. I stared at the walls wondering if I should bother getting up. I felt well rested for a change but couldn't get off the couch. I am housebound. I bump around the four walls with little that I can do. I could clean. The house is a dump but I don't want to spend what precious little energy I have doing something I hate. My mind starts listing my options and none of them appeal to me. I am starting to worry that it will be years before I am better if ever. It scares me. What am I going to do with my time? Study Buddhism? Study art? Paint? Sew? Write? It depresses me that I can't skate and have no hope of skating for months. What in hell am I going to do?

Anyway, I found this on a blog from another chronically ill lady and it appealed to me.

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